Monday, June 27, 2011

Listen to Your Inner Voice

So much has happened since I last posted and then again nothing new has happened. My daughter's marriage fell apart. This was both a shocking surprise and at the same time something my inner voice told me would happen. Twelve years ago, when my daughter told me she was in love with this man, i had my doubts. Not because i felt there was anything terribly wrong with him, but because I did not see that he had the same life goals and long term values that i wanted for my daughter. But she was so happy and isn't that what every parent wants for their child. my daughter was a very rebellious teen and those years were so hard and unhappy for her and us that to see her happy made my heart melt. We gave her the wedding of her dreams. Spent all the money that we had saved for her to go to college but she refused to go. To this day, people tell me that it was the best wedding they ever went to. Whatever she wanted, if i could afford it she got it. But behind the scenes his family was so difficult and disrespectful. I kept telling myself, maybe I am too sensitive, or maybe they don't realize that is rude or maybe they think we are the Trump family! For example, his father RSVP that he would not be attending because he did not have a tux to wear. I told him that a tux was not required, that anything that he felt was appropriate for church or out to dinner would be fine, he responded that he would not attend if he would feel like the poor relation. Long story short, in order for him to attend and not break his son's heart I told him to go to the tuxedo rental place where the wedding party was getting attired and pick something and put it on our tab. Of course he picked the most expensive outfit they had and never returned it so we had to pay full retail value. We never brought this up because we did not want my new son-in-law to be embarrassed by his family. But that was ten years ago, water under the bridge. In those 10 years, 2 beautiful remarkable child rend came into our lives. They became the center of my life. We have put our own life on hold in order to make their lives better. Now I am not sure that was such a good idea. As the marriage falls apart, our role as caregivers and providers becomes less important. i have come to learn (the hard way, that grandparents have not rights, only what the parents chose to give them)


Candy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Candy said...

my marriage is also 12 years young - and I am going through the same ordeal as your daughter...

Deneen said...

The inner voice is always right, however, it was your voice, not the voice your daughter heard.

You have to move forward with your life. I am surprised (perhaps confused by the wording, that your role as caregiver is less important. If anything, now is when she needs you most.

You are correct, grandparents have no real rights. I am sorry you've been going through so much.

Take YOUR life off of hold, enjoy. If you need to vent, email me.

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