nana is sad :(

i feel so shallow for how i feel, but there is no way i can do anything to change it. my post are mostly about things i make for other people or things i do for or things i do with or for my granddaughter. mostly, making my dh, dd, ds, my little pumpkin, my mom happy is what
makes me happy. but when i was 50 my dd gave me a surprise party and my dh gave me the
most magnificent diamond earrings. now my dh works for the Tiffany & co., so when i say they were breathtaking that is no lie. but what made them priceless to me is that for the first time in our 20++ yrs together, it was a total surprise and very unexpected. i never took them off unless i was cleaning them. and just looking at them made me feel loved.
ok, so now you know how much i love them. so last sunday, as i was cooking dinner for 8 at my dd house, one of her friends commented how outstanding my earrings are and asked what kind of clasp i had and if i worried if they would fall off. so i told her and everyone else (i love these guys) about how this is the best gift i ever got and explained about the clasp. i also mentioned that i was in the habit of checking them to see if they were still on.
fast forward to tuesday morning, i am on the phone with my dd, while talking i rub my ears as i always do, to check my earrings. one is gone!! i spend the rest of the day checking every corner of my home and it is gone! i am heart broken, but my dd tells me to call my insurance co. well, it seems like i have to learn everything the hard way. unless you list items worth more than $1M that is all they are paying and that is not nearly enough to replace it.
OK, so i can deal with that is the way insurance works, etc. but that feeling of i am so important because i always put everyone else first is gone. that reminder that what i do is of so value to everyone in this house cannot be replace. i spend all of wed and thurs trying to find it, with no luck. friday, i send the day talking to jewelers getting prices and opinions. it seems that it would cost me more than 2x the price of both to replace 1 and insurance is only giving me 1/2 of the cost of 1. OK i now feel like shit. but i now have to tell my dh. he is not like a crazy man, not his style. but he says he is depressed. not like i am depressed. but because of the $. AND he says, we need to go over our budget and see if we can afford to replace them.

so gone is the feeling of we love what you do and that you put yourself before everyone else. it is now can we afford you after everyone else. this makes me so sad i can not even put words to it. it also makes me angry. i may need to rebel an do something totally out of character by putting myself first and let everyone else make adjustments.

but right now i am drinking vodka on the rocks and feeling very sorry for myself.